Syn-chrone-icity

Grief, Authenticity & Friendship - A late Imbolc Reflection

This evening, I was discussing with a very dear friend, life, crystals, astrology and our place as women over 50, still learning, still curious and still engaged in the world of the esoteric. Do we have a place or voice? Are we relevant? We also discussed not having “put out” content recently and finding it difficult to come up with anything valid after a long break away.

Then I open my Substack feed after many weeks of not even checking in, and find a friendly, synchronistic comment from a subscriber who is a joyful balm for the soul, on some of my previous work. Hence, I decided the Universe was giving me a huge punt up the proverbial in the nicest possible way, to, as my friend had mentioned, just write something!

Though it is no longer possible for us as over-50s to be “young” in these realms, we can always be students or new to a subject. Age does not dictate the amount or lack thereof of authentic curiosity.

Nicolaes Maes, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

The 3rd of February 2026 is Imbolc, a time of shedding the old, and though there are connections to women having to “cleanse” themselves after birth, we are also thinking of the Maiden Goddess stepping gently forward into the world anew.

At the end of last year, I lost a dear friend, one of my oldest, in tragic circumstances. It shook me to the core, and though not a complete shock, the grief I felt for weeks after reverberated. Knowing that this soul was feeling so desperate that the only way to heal the pain was to let go of mortal life, felt for me as if an anvil had been placed on my chest while a blacksmith hammered on top of it daily. I felt more sorrow over his challenging life than the fact that he had moved on. Death and dying are difficult subjects for many people, and yet, I saw the grand water Trines that had come through at the time, activating an 8th House placement and realising that though those of us left behind are extremely sad, and haunted by his pain, he is free, and hopefully his soul is recovering peacefully.

My father-in-law had passed only a few weeks earlier, and we were still reeling from that in our home. I also had to make the difficult but kindest decision to have one of my rabbits put to sleep the week before Christmas. Add in costly repairs on both mine and my husband’s vehicles, and it was no surprise that we were not exactly jumping for joy at Yule.

I remember back in my late teens, early 20s, when my friend who passed, would come over and chat for hours, just wanting to connect, be heard. I now realise that even back then, under his faux banter was an aching melancholy, quietly eating away. I wish I had realised then what I know now. But that is where age and experience assist.

Sadness, grief, and loss are part of the human condition, and I spent much of December contemplating these feelings. I also spent much of December and January (when not working) reading fiction. And though that may seem a tad boring for some, it was a huge balm for the soul for me to find the space in my life where I could connect back to something magical or otherworldly. I have Neptune in the 1st House with the Moon in an exact superior square, so no wonder I nurture myself in magical realms.

A week ago, I woke up from a pleasant dream, not one I can remember, but I felt content before even opening my eyes. It had been a few months since I could remember not feeling an ache in the chest. I lay there, realising that though life can be a challenge, there are so many things that I personally have to be happy about.

My Husband and I are blessed with good physical health. After living over a decade in my 30’s and early 40’s, suffering a chronic illness that was painful and debilitating, good health is extremely valuable, and I appreciate it every day. My husband has some aches and pains, but they are signs of a life lived. We both have work we enjoy, having worked in places that, let’s just say, were not so accommodating, we are now lucky to have colleagues and clients with whom we enjoy engaging. I have the basics of life, food, shelter, books and a bunny, who is now the last one standing, and is spoilt with food and cuddles, and he loves it!

“This is it, this is THE feeling”, I thought, contentment washing over me, as I snoozed, in those few moments before opening my eyes, I wanted for nothing else, and it felt good. I thanked the Universe right away, as I knew that at some point during the day, I would find something to shake that feeling!

We cannot understand contentment until we have experienced discontent. We rarely change things that make us uncomfortable until our hand is forced. Although the goal should be equilibrium, it can take some hard knocks before we get there. Sometimes those hard knocks are necessary, and we have to be the ones to pound on the door. But wisdom comes from knowing when to back down, when to offer an open hand rather than a fist shake. Grace rather than enmity. The time to let go, rather than holding on tightly. Saying goodbye while your heart breaks.

Chasing the dream can be exhausting, and then if you are lucky to reach the goal, it’s not what you wanted after all. Maybe the dream was too big, or maybe it was just someone else’s dream. As I get older, I look back over the years and realise that some of the things I thought I wanted, even five years ago, no longer interest me. I am also considering activities I really want to engage in before my time is up. A bit of travel, I think. Art appreciation, reading good books, and some nice meals out with my Husband and friends. They feel doable at the moment.

When you find that sense of contentment, even if it is fleeting as a ray of Sun in Aquarius season, hold that memory and then, when in the midst of the frantic life of work, commitments and responsibilities, remember what it feels like to be truly centred. The more you practice this, the calmer you feel.

This moment for me was a clear sign that I was preparing to move forward after the deepest part of grief, and though there are days of sitting and contemplating the last few months, I know that Spring is on its way, though the rain is belting down against the window as I write.

Some crystals that you may like to work with for grief. If you are suddenly shocked or traumatised, then Rhodonite is a great help. I have a palmstone of this crystal, and I held it to my heart the night I got the sad news, just breathing. Grief reaches into the lungs, and that shallow breath we get can create further worry and stress to the physical body. Understanding what was happening to me at the time, I grabbed this wonderful first aid crystal and held it tight to my chest.

Mangano Calcite is one of my go-to crystals for working with grief over the long term. It has soft, gentle energy, feels calming in the hands, looks lovely in pendants, and can be worked with for long periods.

Sudzie, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Jet is my favourite black crystal, though it is actually fossilised wood. You may remember photos of Queen Victoria in her later years with lots of Jet jewellery as part of her mourning dress after the death of Prince Albert. Jet is known for helping to contain grief. I have been wearing my pendant often, though at first I dropped a Jet palmstone, and it shattered. It is said that a broken crystal takes the hit, so you don’t have to. It’s also a sign that it has taken on too much, and can’t cope. I hadn’t cleaned it enough!

As curiosity and contentment seep back in, and the light is noticeably building here, I aim to find my authentic voice and bring you some more very soon. I have ideas and plans that were in the works last summer, and as Saturn is about to join Neptune in Aries on the 14th, working its way through my fifth house, hopefully I can settle down into some further insights.

Blessings to you all, may you feel the light of the Sun on your face, curiosity in your minds, and love in your hearts.

Saffron